Relationships between sentient beings are always a challenge. As two individuals change in their time on a personal level, across years and events and changing statuses, two egos must be accommodated and contented.
Demanding, humbling for our egos, enriching for our souls, even relationships based on balance and equality can test each of us to our core. So how do we know when to consult? What is the difference between a mistake and a repeat offense? What is the difference between a word said in the heat of emotional hurt and a habit of under-respecting your partner?
Couples’ therapy aims to arm each protagonist with a better awareness of their role and their parts in that great journey we call a relationship. Exploring the experience of each partner we can communicate again as a collective soul rather than an argumentative bickering logic. By understanding better where each places importance we can envisage a path to positive change. By expressing emotions we can begin to accept and move on in our lives, personal or couple.
Individual vs Couple’s therapy.
Occasionally a situation arises when one of the two partners reveals horrific trauma or profound challenges. Or where one of the partners absolutely cannot help behaving in a hurtful way, regardless of how many times they have understood it, conceptually speaking.
It is usually considered appropriate in such cases to consider, when possible, a one-on-one therapy with the concerned partner to initially explore their emotional and mental challenges. This “mothballing” of couple’s therapy per se, in favor of a “1:1” can be challenging but is usually the sensible course of action. It can be challenging for the couple to have to “wait” for what is perceived as a delay. It can be challenging to see two couple halves separately, which can happen. The therapist should not be held to any factual secret by either party. It is generally recommended to see patients together though occasionally revisiting arguments and fights as a couple can re-ignite strong emotions. Therapeutic protocols are varied, there is no “one-size-fits-all”.
Symptoms & Treatments
- Personalised diagnostic: Relational audit, partners backgrounds, couple history, early trauma, typical triggers and scripts, trade-offs and red-lines.
- Symptoms and Indications: Repetitive arguments, poor problem-solving, low sense of intimacy, low sense of empathy, sexual differences, trust breaches and issues, clashing ideas around fidelity and presence, children’s educations, emotional states.
- Resources & Related: Sexuality and sexology, life models, transactional analysis, parents and adults, physical intimacy, couple communications, compromising, accepting and agreeing.